My Arcadia

2011-07-31T20:14:00.000-04:00

oh, little man.

you cant possibly know how close i hold you. how often i whisper "mama loves you" while you sleep. how i count the seconds between your sighs. or how i treasure every single second. you are such a blessing. it all seems too good. too wonderful. too much. more than i deserve.

you've started really looking around now - and nothing excites you more than whatever happens to be right.behind.you. you are constantly flinging yourself backwards to see farther up. farther out. and for such a small baby (well, okay - you've grown now into a definitely not-such-a-small one, I admit) you have incredible strength. where is this super power coming from?! how can you possibly be so much stronger than me? i've actually stopped holding you certain ways for fear you'll catapult yourself straight pout of my arms...

but the curiousity is unstoppable. you want to see. you want to touch. you want to be a part. if we're singing (and it happens a lot - you and I sing and dance, and you have regular "jam" sessions with your sister on her guitar, daddy on his harmonica - all of you piled on the bed) your voice raises right along with the rest of us. if there's a conversation across the room, you will strain with everything to be closer...

you are my curious monkey every day you make me thankful i have this time with you.

mama loves you, wylie bear. every second.

sweet boy, it's been two months!

2011-06-17T13:37:00.000-04:00

I sit here, typing one-handed - which makes this process a bit tedious. But you often want your own space to stretch in, so the fact that today you want nothing more than for me to hold you is something I haven't the heart to squander.

So typing one-handed may be slow-going, but is totally worth it.

I'm not sure where to start, honestly. This past month has been such an adventure - in my head somewhere I knew you would be different, not me or your dad or Maire, but you're own person. Now, with you here it seems my heart is having to catch up to that thought. I am just now able to look at you and see Wylie - who you are now, who you're becoming.

You have a quick temper that flares bright as fireworks and passes just as quickly; though you are unbelievably calm most of the time. The days, the hours, they wash over you with ease. You open your eyes and see everything, and as it passes you either look deadly serious or you get the most adorable Han Solo half-grin on your face. You definitely have a sense of humor, and my guess is you've inherited your dad and my sarcasm, but we shall see.

You've been smiling for a couple weeks now, big giant grins that seem able to just eat up all the air around you. You smile most often at Maire, but from time to time throw a big one my way, or your dad's. You're learning to reach for things, and while you don't always get it right, I can see the intention in your face. You do nothing in a minor way. You are truly our little bear.

Just the other day you were ornery for the first time. Maire was playing on the floor near you and you grabbed her dolly's dress. She said "No! Stop Baby Wylie!" and by god, you reached right out and grabbed it again with absolutely no hesitation... and a GIANT smile on your face. Dear lord, I didn't know whether to laugh out loud or be frightened to death where this mischievous attitude may land us.

And, oh, how I love afternoons like today where you curl up under my chin and just sigh with delight. I coudl never put Maire down as a baby, but you - you will cry if I coddle you too much and I don't' see that changing as we grow together in these coming years. You will insist to be put down and the minute you have room to stretch as you please you will smile and coo and then make sure we haven't gone too far. Sometimes, when your tummy hurts or you're fussy I'll hold you close and walk back and forth across our living room, promising you "I will always hold you too tight, kiss you too much, hug you too long. I am your mommy, you are my boy. I will always love you more." It seems to calm you and make you happier and I can't count now, how many times I have repeated it over and over again. I hope you understand it, or some piece of it's intent stays with you as you grow.

An how you've grown! We took you into the doctor's office for your two month check-up and you've already almost doubled your weight. All the nurses and even the doctor herself commented and were impressed. You might have started out a little small and with some hurdles to overcome, but you've more than proven you can tackle anything. I can't help but put my hand on your belly, or squeeze your little chubby thighs. Even Maire will try to pinch your little fat rolls singing "you're my favorite! to you as your Dad and I yell "BE GENTLE!!!"

Ha. Yes, her violent love hasn't lessened at all. It might have grown, actually. She was sick just last week and burst into tears when I told her she couldn't kiss you. It was torture for her that thankfully only lasted a day. Not being able to shower you with kisses was worse to her than being sick. She adores you and while I know that someday there will be slammed doors and (I have no doubt) punches thrown, seeing you two together now almost breaks my heart with joy.

She looks for you the minute she wakes up and cannot bear to leave you for school in the morning. She runs straight to you when she returns, and she is still the voice you most follow, the face you most lock onto. I never had this, a family of more than three. A child co-conspirator... and watching you two interact, watching you obviously so love each other. It bowls me over. It makes me so grateful you have each other, already.

Oh, and before I forget - you took your first trip this week. And, man, were we impressed (and relieved). It seems you travel as well, if not better, than your sister if that's even possible. So, my little man, getting ready to see the world - your daddy and I plan to show you as much of it as we possibly can.

You've given us so much already, it seems only fair.

Sleep tight, little one. I love you so very much.
adoringly,
your mama

One Month

2011-05-11T10:27:00.000-04:00

My dear baby boy, Happy One Month!

This is a few days old, of course. It seems with two my time to sit in quiet and find the words I need to let you know how fast and wonderfully time is flying by is a bit harder now than it was when it was just your sister about - but here we are, better late than never. It's so important to me you know what these days were like.

These days when we were first falling in love with you. These days when our family, a day, an hour, a moment at a time was being made whole.

This month has been amazing, I have to say. Slowly my fear you aren't truly ours has started to subside, though I still have a catch in my heart every time you cry. I still go crazy until your in my arms, until I have you (crying or no) close to me where you feel safe.

You've definitely found your voice, though honestly, I don't think you ever had want for it. It seems you've been talking since you first caught your breath, and hearing your tiny coos and hubs are just magic. Your dad, sister and I just sit and listen sometimes as you tell your stories.

And, oh, it's not just been you that's been magic here these past weeks. Samaire has embraced being a big sister with all she is and her love is filling every corner of our apartment. It's palpable and ferocious and absolutely undeniable. She smothers you (quite literally at times) with kisses and hugs and pats and is heartbroken you can't purposely hold her hand yet. She sits next to you on the couch and reads you books, regales you with made-up stories and songs and will often translate for you when your dad and I can't figure out what you need or want.

Her favorite thing to do with you, however, is to sing "April Showers" by Sugarland to you. She knows all the words and when it seems nothing is working, she will insist we put it on - as, often, Dad holds you and I hold her - and we sing it as a family. These are my favorite moments. She knows all the words, and as we sing and dance as a family in our tiny apartment, I know our lives cannot possibly become more sweet or wonderful. It seems to always calm you, and usually by the time we're done your eyes are heavy and you're cooing along with our melody.

I guess most of all that's what I've spent most of my time this month thinking - that you've come into our lives at such the perfect moment in such the perfect way. Turning our little threesome into a quartet - turning our lives in so many ways upside down, or perhaps rather righting them. I'm so very happy. Happy to have you here and watch you grow, happy to be your mommy, happy to see Samaire be a big sister, happy to see your daddy have a son.... happy beyond words can ever contain.

Your month birthday landed on Mother's Day, so I got to spend all day being ecstatic over you and your sister - which is what it's all about, no? We celebrated your birthday perfectly - taking you to your first Mets game. Sam and Maire had a celebratory breakfast on your behalf of pecan honey caramel rolls before we left, and then we spent a great afternoon in a box suite (Thank you, Uncle Mangan!!) watching the Mets. We came home after the game and watched a movie on the PS3 Papa and Grandma Bell got us and then went to bed early, all snuggled up and warm. Despite the Mets' loss, it was still a pretty fantastic first-month-birthday, I think.

And now, a few days later, I sit here on the couch typing as you sleep peacefully in your bouncer. I hold you and snuggle you as much as you'll let me, but it seems when it's just you and me as long as I talk out loud from time to time you like to have your own space to stretch out. And this isn't so bad, as I get to sit here and just stare at your absolute perfection.

I guess that's what this month has been all about - appreciating every moment as it passes. Even the frightening ones, because they all led to these - these quiet, perfect, lovely moments. Our life, as a family, really feels like perfection now. I probably sound like a broken record, I know. But there it is.

You make me immeasurably happy.

Thank you, Baby Bear.

much love, your mama

First Week

2011-04-19T14:32:00.000-04:00

Oh, Wylie,

You sure did know how to make an entrance. I still feel a bit like my heart is living on the outside of me - scared to death something, anything, might happen to you: having you finally here in my arms - cooing and smiling and making pod-ling faces at me feels dangerously precarious still. I hold you closer than perhaps I would otherwise. I examine every aspect of your existence with furrowed brow and wake regularly at night - examining your breath, tickling your toes, making sure you're okay. I have this fear that we overcame so much in your initial moments - that perhaps even more is awaiting us.

I know it's not. I know your safe. But still, I can't help but hold you closer than I would otherwise. (And believe me that's pretty close.) Samaire and I feel the same about your birth story - I can't bear to hear it, it upsets me so. It makes me cry still. The fear of those moments not knowing if we had made it through is obviously still very real to me. I'm carrying it around in my heart still. Slowly, I'm learning to put it down a little at a time, though I can't promise to put you down any time soon.

Your first week didn't help. Jaundiced and slightly dehydrated we spent every day but one at the pediatrician's office. She was great, and rather than send us straight back to the hospital, let us take you home to hold you under sun and pump you full of as much much breast milk (and formula, alas) as we coudl get you to swallow. I only had to give you formula for two days and you gained weight like a champ - so, admittedly, my worries have been for naught. Your daddy has from the beginning bragged that you are strong and a fighter, and you have proved him right at every single turn.

But despite the worry, having you here has been an unprecedented joy. I have always loved our little family of three. It has never lacked anything to me - but now, as I curl up on the couch with you and Maire and your daddy - something inside me has quieted, has sighed, has rested. Our family feels complete in a way I'll never be able to put words to.

You are so obviously ours. You belong here, with us. It has been amazing to see this little apartment swell to accommodate our joy. I feel it must eventually burst with the sheer happiness with which we are filling it.

Samaire coos over you, loves on you. Adores you. You are hers, resolutely: watching her take care of you, listening to her talk to you - my heart has grown ten sizes. Your eyes, in turn, follow her little voice as it travels around the room and you reach out your arms toward her when she holds you.

And hearing her sing you "April Showers" and "You and Me Together" when you are tired - I never imagined life would be this good.

In fact before you came, I was scared to death because I couldn't imagine what this would all be like. But here I am, hardly able to imagine what life was like without you here. I didn't know my heart, my life, could hold this much love.

But it does. And I know from experience it will only grow.

Oh, Wylie, thank you. Thank you for never giving up. For choosing us.

I love you, Baby Bear. More every moment.
love,
your mama

More Wylie Pictures

2011-04-13T19:28:00.000-04:00

Here are a few more great pics.

Proud Big Sis

Uncle Doug giving Maire her first guitar.

Mama and babe

Danc'n with my little man

Love this kid.

Wylie William's Birth Story

2011-04-12T16:38:00.000-04:00

(Sam's writing this out this time around, and I'll just add my comments. I thought it was important he do it, as he remembers it best. So, Wylie, here's your first story...)

We went to see the midwives in the afternoon. Misty had been taking showers at 3 a.m. the last two mornings anticipating labor to start at any moment. There were cramps, and a few other signs, but nothing was screaming LETS DO THIS! Jeannie (one of the four midwives who take care of Misty) told us that Misty was 1-2 cm dialated and it could happen at any time, and would probably happen in the next 24-48 hours. "Go home, eat, take a hot bath, have a glass of wine and get your sleep... you're going to need it." She was right.

Misty went home and got through the list (Sam went out and got me a bottle of sparkling shiraz, my favorite and we have some yummy Chinese delivery - ha. so New York), but when she started to get ready for sleep it was too late, labor had begun. We sent up the Bat Signal and Team Awesome jumped into action. Mikki got out of bed and headed our way. She arrived at 11 and by 11:30 one of our midwives, Suzanne, had summoned us to the Birth Center. We said our good-byes to Samaire and Mikki and headed that way.

Headed to St. Luke-Roosevelt Birth Center

(That's Sam's TtWS t-shirt I'm wearing here, the same one I wore when I labored with Maire)

Maire and Aunt Mikki keep the home fires burning... and rock Bear and the Big Blue House.

When we arrived at the hospital Suzanne was busy delivering a baby in Labor and Delivery so she had us roll up to L&D on the 12th floor, something we didn't do with Maire. Since she was busy she couldn't meet us and we had to go through the standard triage. 30 minutes later Suzanne came by and gave us some bad news. Misty was only 2-3 cm dilated and we weren't far enough along to be admitted into the Birth Center. (By ONE centimeter! UGH!!) We had headed out early because everyone told us that 2nd births happened faster (and Samaire had happened so fast we thought for sure we'd show up too late). We were disappointed, but headed home. It took a lot out of Misty to walk up to the 4th floor and that would come back to bite her later. We were home by 12:30 am and Misty was already toast.

We got Samaire to bed and by 2 a.m. contractions were getting serious and closer together. (Mikki was awesome and stayed up with me the whole time we were home. We just sat in the living room, her using her iPOD to time my contractions and we chatted in between. I felt really good about how I was handling the labor this time around, I was much less scared and much more able to just breathe through. That would, unfortunately, change.) We headed back to the Birthing Center and went straight to our room. Birthing Room 1 (we were in 2 with Samaire). Misty got checked out and she was at 5 cm, so a lot of progress for the 2 hours we were gone. Misty got in the tub and while things were definitely moving slower with Wylie than with Samaire they were still moving in the right direction. After a few serious contractions Misty was taken out of the tub and at 5 a.m. she was at 8 cm, we thought for sure it would happen any moment. Then, Ugh. Misty and Wylie hit the wall. Misty then got super sick and after throwing up and pulling a ligament in her side the contractions stopped and Misty ran out of gas.

(This was where I started to lose it. The midwife told me my contraction, or what I thought were contractions weren't enough or even possibly contractions - and at that point I sort of lost it. All my confidence quickly left and I just wanted to cry with despair. It felt like everything was starting to unravel. I was BEAT and feeling a bit lost and I have no doubt that's a reason the contractions took a nose dive. That moment was the first and only time I thought drugs might have been a good idea.)

Things continued to get worse as Misty was unable to catch her breath and started having muscle spasms in the side where she pulled the ligament. Suzanne had been on call for 24 hours, so she tagged out at 7 am and in walked Sandy Woods. (I freely admit that angels really did sing in my head at the sight of her. I trust her implicity.) She's brilliant. She didn't deliver Samaire, Cora did, but she saw us the first go round in the office and several times with Wylie. We knew her, we love her, we trusted her. She's great. She's an old Cajun from Louisiana and has been delivering babies since the Louisiana Purchace... ha. I keed. She got the contractions back using a few tricks, but they were still infrequent and didn't seem to be working.

(I remember her looking at me and asking me where all my fear was coming from. She could see I was terrified and knew it didn't match with what she knew of me previously. I burst into tears and told her I was afraid something was wrong. She looked me straight in the eye and told me she and I were going to handle whatever was coming. That she would make sure everything would turn out alright. I truly believe that what was to come didn't upset me like it could have because Sandy had made me that promise.)

Misty continued to slip in and out of sleep and didn't seem to have much left in the tank and things weren't progressing. The worst part was Wylie's heart beat started to dip to dangerous levels. Sandy said things weren't progressing and the options were to break Misty's water manually or take her upstairs. (Upstairs meant a c-section. NOT an option for me.) So, at 9 am. Sandy broke Misty's water. Contractions came back a bit but again, things didn't seem to be moving along. 10-15 minutes later Wylie's heart rate continued to drop and Sandy told Misty that she had to get Wylie out now or they were going to take us upstairs for a C-section.

This put the fire back in Misty. She started pushing as a surgical nurse from L&D (Danielle who was a midwife in Australia) came down to check on Misty. After a few pushes Sandy told her we had to get the baby out now as she wasn't sure Misty would make it upstairs. Misty was working harder than anyone I'd ever seen, but Wylie wasn't moving. It turns out he was in the posterior (face up) position and that was causing a lot of the issues and was making it hard to get him out. Sandy worked her magic and Misty pushed like hell (she did amazing, with little left in the tank she save our little one's life by getting him out in time). All of this takes place over an hour and change.

( I didn't realize how serious it all was at the time, and I'm glad. All I knew is that Sandy told me I had to get it done, and there was fierceness in Sam's voice when he told me I had to get this done for Wylie. The whole room seemed to be cheering me on - Sandy, the nurse, Danielle, the ER pediatrician (though I didn't know who she was) and Sam. It felt like I was never going to be able to stop pushing. They just kept saying "Again!" And so I would. There were brief moments of time where Sam woudl hold up an oxygen mask for me to catch my breath and then it woudl just keep going. Push, push, push. Deep breath of oxygen. Push again. The whole room was exploding in support, but I could only hear Sam saying over and over "do this is for Wylie" and I just held onto that every time I thought there was no way I could keep going.)

Finally out pops the little guy's head and then more bad news, the cord is wrapped around his neck. Sandy called out to stop (and the room instantly got silent and I froze) and again used all her skill and experience to get the head out of the noose and finish getting him out.

Then came the longest and scariest 5-10 seconds (seemingly years) of my life. He came out and looked limp. No movement, no breath. (Oh. My. God. I swear my heart stopped. I have never been so terrified in my life. I kept asking if he was okay and nobody would answer me. I just kept getting louder and kept hearing nothing. It was absolutely horrifying. My heart really did break later when I asked Sam why he didn't answer me and he said "I didn't want to lie to you. I didn't know.")

Sandy held him up by his ankles and gave him some hard wraps on the back. She sucked out his nose and mouth and he finally let out a cry. She told me to come quickly and cut the cord, which I did and then she passed him off to Shelley (greatest nurse ever) who took him to a bassinet right next to the bed and a pediatric specialist sucked out his lungs and got him some oxygen. 5-10 minutes later he was gurgling less and I was playing with him while Misty got fixed up.

(I so wanted to hold him, but they had to get him warm and breathing and watching that was frightening and reassuring all at once. I so hated having to wait.)

When the placenta came out Sandy called over Danielle and showed it to her. Turns out the cord, which is usually attached in the middle, was attached at the edge and it wasn't a solid attachment; had the water broken in a different spot or labor had continued poorly it could have detached and Wylie would have suffocated on his way out. Sandy dubbed him the miracle baby and I have to agree.

Little man was finally handed to Misty (Samaire went right to her chest when she was born) and he latched right on. 7 lbs 2 oz. 20.5 inches. and a lot of short light brown hair.

So proud of them both.

Sandy, one of the two best midwives ever. She helped save our little guy.

(I will forever credit her with everything turning out okay. And forever be grateful.)

He's turned out to be much mellower than Samaire and he slept and ate on mama. Of course he just went through the fight of his life, so he earned his rest. Back home Mikki stayed with Samaire all night and passed the torch to May that morning. May brought our girl over and when she met Wylie it was love at first site. She's been an AMAZING big sister. Protective, gentle, silly and always loving.

Maire LOVES her Aunt May... another hero from Team Awesome.

And then there were four.

The four of us crashed in the room that night because our pediatrition couldn't come give him his exam until Saturday morning. (It was actually pretty lovely, all of us curled up together in the full-size bed. A wonderful first night.) So we ended up staying 24 hours in the hospital. Got to eat our Island Burger meal again, just like with Samaire. And we got to see Cora, the midwife who delivered Samaire. Wylie passed all of his tests and proved to be quite strong; he's a fighter, just like his mama. We finally broke out and headed to home Saturday thanks to Doug, the best wheel man ever, who drove us home and was Wylie's first baby sitter for the 5 minutes it took for me to get the girls up the stairs before I could go back down and get him.

Maire and her midwife Cora, 2 1/2 years later.

Sweet Dougy V watching Wild Bill after driving us home.

Big Sis welcomes little brother home.

Now we're all home and well. Happy it all worked out and so thankful for our little miracle baby. Big thanks to Sandy, Suzanne, Cora and Jeannie (Best Midwives EVER!), our loving and amazing NY family and everyone who sent good vibes and love our way. Enjoy the pics. Much love to all.

First nap at home.

He's pretty cute.

Love from the Stiers Clan.

We'll post more pics soon.

To Samaire, on her second birhday

2010-08-08T07:10:00.000-04:00

Oh, my girl! I'm not sure what to say. It seems like no time at all I was sending your dad off to work insisting I wasn't getting to meet you that day and then, mere hours later, calling him to come back. And we did meet you that day - oh, wonderfully, fantastically. Perfectly.

But it seems a lifetime, too. You've grown so much. I still call you my baby - but you aren't, not anymore. You're your own person now - with opinions and preferences. More wonderfully, with stories and jokes and hilarious ways of seeing things. I am amazed every single day at who you're becoming. One of my greatest blessings in life has been and will be being able to witness you figuring out who you are and finding your place in this world. You're already doing it, and if there's anything I know for sure - you're going to make this world a better place. You've already made me a better person in countless ways.

Even our neighborhood is brighter with you in it. You have so many people here that love you. We can't walk 20 feet without being stopped so you can give high-fives or be coo'ed over. Every one exclaims how quickly you're growing - and though I always think they don't know the half of it - they do, they really do. From Jose (our old maintenance man), the the crosswalk lady, to the crazy leglass guy to the brothers at the bodega - they all love you in their own way, they've invested themselves into your smile, your new words, into you. I feel very lucky you have such a wonderful community of people around that cares about you so very much.

I have a feeling it's going to be like that no matter where you go in life. You seem to bring out a light in people, Maire, a happiness. Even when you were just days old that was true, and it seems to only be growing over time.

I guess every mom thinks their daughter or son is the greatest ever. But, darling, you should know I don't think you could be anymore magical or amazing than you are.

You're very excited for this birthday, and that makes me excited too. I had all kins of plans to make it special, and while I've gotten some of them done, the ones I really wanted slipped through the cracks. I feel awful, and while I know you probably won't notice and your daddy will make you feel like the whole world is yours - I wish I could've done more. Mostly so you woudl know how very very very much I love you. How this day celebrates everything I love most in this world. You are my shining light, little one, and every dream I had dared not begun to hope for. You've made a love and life I thought was perfect with your daddy even better - and you made into a family. A family. We're a team, the three of us and I can't wait to see what life brings us. Thanks for choosing us. Thanks for letting me be your mama.

I love you, Bugaboo.

Daredevil Extraordinaire

2010-07-30T08:01:00.002-04:00

Perched precariously about a foot off the ground, shimmied between the bench and the fence, she sings and dances to "All The Single Babies (Ladies)" - quite proud of herself.

Family Portrait from Biggie's Wedding in July

2010-07-26T12:25:00.000-04:00

dadad's day

2010-06-24T13:43:00.000-04:00

I'm late, horribly so. But I have been writing and rewriting this entry now a thousand times a day in my head.

I don't know what words to use, how to express to you...

my extreme gratitude.

She is you. She smirks like you. She loves to make people laugh like you. She cracks herself up endlessly, just like you.

She has your adventurous streak, which may someday kill me.

She has your smarts, your smile.

Your eyes when she's tired.

She is so much you. And yet, so much this small new creature in my midst. Brave and daring. Loving and kind.

I think all the time how grateful I am for her.

I think all the time how grateful I am for you. For her. For me. For us. Our family.

Thank you for all the mornings you woke her up singing, got her dressed and walked her to school.

All the nights she couldn't' sleep you spent dancing with her 'round our living room carpet.

All the times you carried her when her little legs were tired.

All the pushes on the swings, all the cheers on the slides, all fortresses built with blocks.

Thank you for never tiring of reading "just one mo' book" or eating one "mo' berry."

Thank you for teaching her compassion and patience. For teaching her to try one more time. For encouraging her craziness, her silliness, her self.

Thank you for being the best dadad ever. And I mean it, THE BEST. History of time, all that. When I look at you and her together, when we talk about our hopes for her, when we plan our trips, our evenings, our days, our weekends....

When you promise that yes, some day if she wants she can go to art school, or culinary school or conservatory - if she wants. When you sit watching game after game in silence, despite the great drama on the screen so she doesn't get upset by your being upset. Every thing you do with her, every time you speak of her ... the love is so big, so real it feels palpable in the air.

I don't know how to tell you how big this is. How good you are at this. How wonderfully you just leapt forward from that very first moment she joined us.

All I know is that I love you now even more, and I never thought that was possible.

All I know is she loves you "heaps and heaps."

All I know is you deserve every day to be Fathers' Day. Because every day you are wonderfully, fantastically, amazingly a father. A daddy.

The best.

Love you, Dadad Sam

To my baby mama

2010-05-08T23:03:00.013-04:00

Dear baby mama,

Thank you for being the best mother ever. Thank you for the silliness you bring into her life, for the pure joy that radiates from her like a euphoric Chernobyl.

Could she BE happier?!?! Nope. She's got you.

Thank you for the nine months you put in, and for the 8 oz of castor oil you put in and dealing with all it brought back up.

Love at first sight.

Thanks for saying "It's ok if she lays down with me," on day 4 and for all the tossing and lack of sleep that's brought you since.

Sweet dreams.

Thanks for the great healthy food you feed her. I've never known a baby to eat better.

You can even make rice cereal good!

Thanks for teaching her every day, everything from her ABCs to the best way to spoof someone.

Yes, she doesn't get ALL her jackassery from me.

Thanks for the stylish clothes and amazing hair cuts and hair dos.

Yeah, this was a good one.

Thanks for giving her the genetics needed to be so beautiful.

My beautiful girls.

Thanks for making her tough in this cruel , cruel world. ha.

FEAR THE STIERS GIRLS!

Thanks for making her the happiest baby I've ever seen. She's lucky to have you and so am I.

If all mom's loved their kids this much the world would be a much better place.

Happy Mother's Day babe. We love you.

Best. Seats. Ever.

2010-04-23T23:01:00.012-04:00

Thursday night our good friend John gave us tickets to go see our first Mets game of the year. So, we got all Mets'd up and headed off to the 7 train!

Yeah, my girls look good in blue and orange.

We got to the stadium and headed into the Jackie Robinson rotunda and as we were standing there preparing to go up the escalator a woman approached us and asked if we knew where we were sitting. I said yes and she asked where. "Upper deck, behind home plate." She asked if it was just the three of us and after I said yes, she said Maire was so cute in her Mets gear, clutching Mr. Met that she was going to upgrade us... and boy did she.

We followed her through a special door and right past the visitor's clubhouse, past a club where she told us we would have nice private bathrooms, free food and drinks till the 5th inning and nice seats and tables to watch the game on plasmas if it got too cold... um, ok, wonder where our seats are we thought. Then she took us to an usher to led us past the first row of seats people can buy (which go for $460/seat) and right to the wall behind home plate.

Can't get any closer than that.

Misty kept threatening to touch the Soriano's butt. She didn't, but she could have.

The Stiers fam and Mr. Met, enjoying the sweet seats.

Caution Soto... Maire just might take you out!

Mr. Met came out on the field (you can just make him out on the far left) and Maire went ballistic. She LOVES Mr. Met. When he left the field she spent the whole rest of the 1/2 inning whimpering for him to return.

Misty and Maire carrying the breastfeeding torch on SNY tv as we could be seen many times during the broadcast. By far the coolest place they've done this.

Man, that Johan Santana can really pitch! Yeah, on top of it all, we got to see Johan pitch. Last time Maire saw him pitch was her first game ever, at Shea Stadium in 2008, that's when our buddy Mangan got us in the luxury suite. Maybe we should only go to Johan games. Also, notice the bat boy over Maire's shoulder. Cub's batboy (30 maybe 40 some year old guy), super nice and he and Maire hit it off and that resulted in...

Her first foul ball!!!!!

K-Rod was in to save the game and he was pitching to Mike Fontenot. Foul ball dribbler came to our side and the ballboy ran out, got it and as everyone was screaming for him to toss it to them, he points to Maire, walks over to the edge of the foul netting and tosses it to her. It's her new favorite thing. She clutched it the whole rest of the game, the walk to the subway, held it as she passed out and on the walk home. I took it away from her to put on pjs when we got home, she woke up and cried "baaal. baaal." Gave it back to her and she slept with it all night.

Amazing night. Maire sat the whole game in our seat, save one trip to the free food/drink lounge between an inning, and was metsmorized. She loved the planes flying overhead, Mr. Met, watching the pitcher pitch, the batboy, her foul ball, my taco combo platter (best ballpark food EVER) and Misty's Shake Shack burger and shake. Needless to say, we have a Mets fan for life.

Mets win 5-2. Best night at a ballgame ever. Thanks Mets, a night we'll never forget.

Quick catch up, photo style.

2010-04-23T22:33:00.010-04:00

Ok, so it's been a while since we posted a real post. So tonight I'm doing two. First one here is just a catch up of the last month or so. It includes our trip to Mets preseason workout, Yasmin and Derik's wedding, a trip to Mystic, CT and Mikki's sweet birthday. Enjoy!

Yeah, she's growing up way fast. Stylish little thing isn't she.

Off to the Mets preseason workout. Just the beginning of her Mets cuteness for the year.

Easter Egg time!

Yes, the pagan baby loves coloring eggs and she's quite good at it too!

Yasmin and Derik's wedding was great. Misty's face in this picture, priceless.

Maire spent 20 minutes or so hanging with the lobsters at the Mystic Aquarium. It's awesome, I mean Curious George and Elmo BOTH have books/videos about it.

The Mystic Seaport was great too, and Maire took us for a spin in the harbor.

Maire had a BLAST at Aunt Mik-me's birthday party. And continued her love of food as she devoured every ounce of Korean BBQ that came her way.

Go Mets!!! Xo, Samaire

2010-04-05T11:53:00.000-04:00

She of course slept with both...

2010-04-05T08:35:00.000-04:00

After an amazing afternoon at CitiField yesterday. THANKS, John!

Give me a smile to send to daddy!

2010-04-02T12:13:00.000-04:00

My sweet pea, finally sleeping.

2010-03-28T18:51:00.000-04:00

In the midst of a torturist weekend she finally has collapsed. I plan a day of rest, peace & quiet - just the two of us - so she can finally feel better tomorrow.

Sad game, but good times

2010-03-27T20:21:00.001-04:00

Tho my city-baby slept thru it all on her daddy's shoulder...

New season- new hair!

2010-03-25T14:54:00.001-04:00

My best friend.

2010-03-22T08:19:00.000-04:00

The doofus... :)

Playing in central park today - amazing!

2010-03-21T11:55:00.001-04:00

New Message

2010-03-19T16:52:00.000-04:00

She's my joy.

New Message

2010-03-19T14:56:00.000-04:00

It's 70 degrees out today!!

Happy St. Paddy's Day from the Stiers Family!

2010-03-17T07:49:00.000-04:00

My girl loves her yogurt!

2010-03-15T16:48:00.001-04:00

These two are my whole world...

2010-03-12T16:51:00.000-05:00

And what a wonderful world, indeed.

Maire and her "babies"

2010-03-12T09:14:00.000-05:00

New Message

2010-03-08T17:03:00.001-05:00

Her hair is officially back to pigtails!

She asked - puppy picture?

2010-03-08T15:13:00.001-05:00

And then said, "send to dada" - I included some friends too. :)

My big girl had a big morning

2010-03-05T09:59:00.000-05:00

And now is all tuckered out...

Montana in February: Calving at the ranch

2010-03-03T22:42:00.004-05:00

We had a blast at the ranch. We met Dave and went up to help my parents during calving season and well, we'll use any excuse to get up there. Maire LOVED it and so did Misty and I. Worked hard, played hard and had a great time. Thanks mom and dad for putt'n us up. Now, on to the pics!

Checking on heifers at 3 a.m. makes you crazy... or crazier.

Tough to say if we love the ranch more in the summer or winter. Helluva winter wonderland.

Always work to do on the ranch.

Well, maybe not always.

Talula (the heifer mom and dad gave us for xmas) needed some help giving birth to Campbell Elmo (A compromise after I wanted to name it Mmmm-mmm-good and Maire said "ELMO") Crazy story of getting that little girl out. Short version is make sure the gate's closed, pull like hell and there's something special when you can save something's life.

In the end, mama and calf are doing great.

Come sled with me!

Ginger LOVES Samaire... she followed her like a puppy and gave kisses too.

Yeah, their valley is amazing.

Another engineer in the fam?!?!

We cut a ton of firewood. An amazing workout when you're the pack mule to lug it through the snow to the trailer.

Or when you have to chuck it up a gully to the tractor.

Maire pulled clean up duty after we stacked it. EVERYONE works at the ranch.

But, then everyone relaxes after an amazing meal. A fair trade off.

Coloring with Papa!

Dave excels as both human and bovine uncle.

LOVE the ranch... LOVE my girls.

Maire had an insaine amount of fun sledding.

Saddly yes, it had to end. We all wish we were back. Hopefully soon!

Feel like you've missed out... oh, we'll calve again next year. Come join the fun!

My girl

2010-03-03T08:55:00.000-05:00

My angeldarlingdaring girl

2010-03-02T16:34:00.000-05:00

And her "baby elmo"

ASB!

2010-03-02T07:56:00.000-05:00

ASB pics, at long last are here! Enjoy!

It's on as they say.

The amazing Wildcat Brewery glasses Misty designed.

Schmidty Stout and the draft, a winning combination!

GO CATS!

Maire loves some dadad and ASB.

Double header action.

Setting the lineup for the next game.

Devil Dogs v Boilers.

Winning scorecard.

What a Sunday.

GO JENKS WILDCATS! 2010 ASBC CHAMPS.

I love this photo of her

2010-02-28T18:23:00.000-05:00

She takes excellent care of her "babies." And of course, every time I've TRIED to get her to wear her Frankenstein hat, she never does. Oh, but when she does... it makes me laugh for days.

Me & my girls

2010-02-28T15:02:00.000-05:00

Winter wonderland out our window

2010-02-26T12:21:00.001-05:00

Counting my blessings.

2010-02-25T19:31:00.000-05:00

One. Two.

New Message

2010-02-20T15:52:00.001-05:00

She's still having fun, and so are we. :) ROLLICKING, AWESOME, EXHAISTING FUN. The calf's name? Campbell Elmo. Story to follow.

First day on the ranch... Success!

2010-02-19T17:44:00.001-05:00

Maire is in heaven. She's been kissed by both puppies and horses, and got to pet a calf. Sam helped our cow, Tallulah deliver her calf this morning!

Maire plays her first game of the ASB World Series 2010

2010-02-13T11:21:00.000-05:00

THANK YOU GUYS, for putting up with her. (And me for a while) :)

Sleepy girl

2010-02-08T12:28:00.000-05:00

New Pics

2010-02-06T22:55:00.016-05:00

Here are some pics from the past couple months. I'll try to throw them up in some order, but really this is just a catch up. Smooches to all.

Rock center tree

Um yeah, these dorks have fun together. :)

Is there anything bluer than her eyes? No, the answer is no.

Our girl loves the snow.

The teeth are coming in nicely thank you.

Full of Holiday Cheer indeed.

Her new bear... yes, it takes up 20% of our living room. It was a great Xmas.

Anyone else get a real cow for Xmas?

Sometimes she just likes to take a walk through Times Square.

Other times she walks through Grand Central.

And still other times she kicks it in Central Park. Basically, it's good to be a kid in NYC. Our girl owns this town.

Much love S&M&S.

Maire & I are going red today!

2010-02-05T09:54:00.000-05:00

Post a pic of you and someone you love "going red"! Check out americanheart.org for more info on today and more we can do.

my angel

2010-01-29T16:16:00.001-05:00

Joyful

2010-01-28T16:02:00.004-05:00

She is lovely and kind and adorable.

She's got sass. She's got spunk. Such a bruiser!

She is my daughter.

I am so blessed.

First Real Haircut by Mama

2010-01-28T15:36:00.002-05:00

On the tenth, I gave Maire her first haircut. As in, more than just bangs. I was a wreck that afternoon thinking about doing it. Worried I'd cut her hair and all her friends at daycare would make fun of her obviously-done-by-her-mom new 'do. And the I remembered, oh yeah, she's in DAYCARE.

So as soon as I got over my over protective mama bear attitude, I was ready. Sam wholly entertained her, by both talking and laughing and feeding her, as well as satiating her with "Elmo Goes to Grouchland." Thank you, Creators, of Sesame Street, for saving us $50 for a 18-month's old haircut.

I think it turned out well. She seems happy.

And since, I've touched it up a bit (Sam even splurged for REAL hair-cutting scissors *cue desperate fear of accidentally nipping her*) and I seem to have gotten the hang of it.

Have I mentioned lately how AMAZINGLY beautiful her eyes are?! Well, I am. Again. Look at my baby's blues!

Loving her baby

2010-01-22T10:10:00.001-05:00

Maire's starting to really adore Schiele. And, god bless 'er, Schiele is so very patient with her new lil caretaker... Awkward hugs and kisses and all.

My best days. My best girl!

2010-01-08T09:43:00.001-05:00

2010-01-04T15:08:00.001-05:00

I love when Maire claps in her sleep.

My Joy

2010-01-04T12:47:00.001-05:00

Even when she's pukey. (And I am, too.)

Happpy 2010!

2010-01-01T00:15:00.001-05:00

Two nights in a row, Seahorse is perfect slepy company

2009-12-31T12:50:00.001-05:00

Thank you, Aunt Angie & Uncle Ben

It was merry. Very merry and bright.

2009-12-25T21:56:00.001-05:00

Merriest of christmases!

2009-12-25T11:58:00.000-05:00

Aunt Jackie picks out awesome clothes.

2009-12-21T15:41:00.001-05:00

maire insisted on immediately putting on one of her new shirts. ALL OF WHICH MAKE HER EYES CRAZY BLUE.

Happy Holidays, Everyone!

2009-12-20T10:53:00.000-05:00

We're sending you a toddler.

Eating bfast at Macy's

2009-12-14T11:08:00.000-05:00

After meeting Santa. GOOD TIMES!

Cold inside our apt!

2009-12-11T12:29:00.001-05:00

Sso we're playing dress-up. :)

Spent too much time on the phone today...

2009-12-09T18:07:00.001-05:00

Vieques, PR... something to be thankful for

2009-12-06T22:29:00.017-05:00

So, a little late, but here you go. Vieques is an amazing place. Beautiful beaches, great snorkeling, the world's brighest Bioluminescent bay, few people, no fancy resorts, good food and did I mention the amazing beaches. The three of us spent a wonderful Thanksgiving day together as a happy family on the small island and then were joined by family member Dave the next day for the rest of the trip. Here's a quick rundown of the festivities.

Enjoying Thanksgiving broccoli.

Our water baby gets back to the ocean.

Dave plans on the destruction of his Asian nemesi before we hit the Bio bay.

Swim!

Enjoying the honeymoon. They're so dreamy together.

Um yeah, it's pretty there.

Um yeah, my daughter's a knob! ha.

But, so am I. So it works out.

Love my girls.

Needless to say, the dessert was good.

Maire LOVED the beach... L-O-V-E'd it.

Audios Vieques. Thanks for the memories.

Sadly, no pics of the bio bay, but it was unreal, google Vieques bio bay for some sweet shots. Also, Dave and I pulled a 2+ hour snorkeling swim that was epic, but we of course forgot to get a waterproof cam... DO'H. But, the above sums up the trip pretty well. We already miss you Vieques and can't wait to visit you again. Now, I leave you with theses two final shots. Enjoy!

Sexy Dave... sexy.

And because I can't really leave you on that shot. Smooches to all.

My beautiful, beautiful girl

2009-11-16T16:55:00.001-05:00

No paparazzi! NO PAPPARAZZI!

2009-11-16T16:53:00.000-05:00

Driving is AWESOME

2009-11-08T16:35:00.001-05:00

Maire wishes the Baltimore

2009-11-08T16:33:00.001-05:00

Radio stations were better...

No luck back to NYC

2009-11-08T16:23:00.001-05:00

On our way to Maryland!

2009-11-07T10:07:00.003-05:00

On our way to Maryland

2009-11-07T10:07:00.001-05:00

Waiting to walk Daddy home

2009-11-04T17:09:00.001-05:00

She loves him endlessly...

2009-11-02T08:46:00.001-05:00

And so do I.

Exploring Central Park with Mandy & Jon!

2009-10-31T15:26:00.001-04:00

When did she become such a little girl?!

2009-10-30T14:04:00.001-04:00

But, oh, I'm so proud of this child she's becoming. My darling, daring girl.

Four: Fruit, Silk, Flowers

2009-10-29T08:37:00.017-04:00

Paris

I, Misty Lee Marie, in the name of the spirit of God that resides within us all, by the life that courses within my blood and the love that resides within my heart, take you, Samuel Henry,

Ireland

Kuala Lumpur

to my hand, my heart and my spirit, to be my chosen one.

Bangkok

To desire you and be desired by you, to possess you and be possessed by you without sin or shame, for naught can exist in the purity of my love for you.

Caribbean

Arizona

I promise to love you wholly and completely without restraint, in sickness and in health, in plenty and in poverty, in life and beyond - where we shall meet, remember, and love again.

I shall not seek to change you in any way.

Hawaii

I shall respect you, your beliefs, your people and your ways as I respect myself.

Niagra Falls

Pangor Laut

Costa Rica

Phuket

I did then, and I do now, my love. You've literally given me the world. Looking through the THOUSANDS of photographs we have over this short time we've had together (this list here is just a summary - I left out so much!), I couldn't be more filled with joy. You and I, we've had more adventure and happiness than any two people could ask for ... and we've only just begun our lives together.

You. Have. Given. Me. The. World.

Thank you for the best four years of my life. I cannot wait for the next 50. Or more! You are my every dream come true, my every hope confirmed, my every fear vanquished. You are my soulmate.

Mo Chuisle.

Elmo LoooOOooves you!

2009-10-14T11:52:00.009-04:00

Maire has begun to really play with her stuffed animals now. She loves on them, pretends to give them bottles, dresses (undresses) them, even gives them her medicine and pretends to clean their noses.

It's amazing to watch... how this tornado of a child that runs through our apartment and down the sidewalk can be so absolutely gentle with her little stuffed friends. She puts them on her shoulder (like we carry her) and pats their behinds. She talks to them softly, brushes their hair, sings to them.

I love that she's so gentle, so loving. She BEAMS when we acknowledge how nice she is to her "babies." And, truth be told, I beam too. I feel like with all the small moments as a mom I must mess up, seeing her be so loving means I must be doing something right.

One Elmo is never enough.

No, seriously - are there more Elmos?

Kisses for Elmo.

Sweet dreams with Elmo.

Of course, she does love Elmo. LURVES him. But her favorites include Grover and Curious George (still. but now naked. poor George.) and her absolute favorite... the friend most likely to be carried - without dropping! - up to ten blocks, Bedtime Carebear.

Oh, my little girl. How I love you.

wedding

2009-10-12T14:45:00.006-04:00

Right before the wedding...

2009-10-10T13:43:00.000-04:00

So she can party *all night long... All night... All night long...*

Central Park

2009-10-07T09:25:00.003-04:00

So on my birthday weekend we met Joyce and Mark (and Aoife!!) at Central Park for a picnic and playing. Joyce took these photos and I LOVE them.

I also love just watching those two girls together. They are *hilarious* and such little wonders! It's crazy to see them, talking, sharing, playing together... when it seems just yesterday I was in Joyce's office complaining about feeling spew-ey all the time...

(more pics of this day to come soon)

It was the perfect way to spend a Sunday afternoon.

Dear Little Darling Daring Girl,

2009-10-06T08:28:00.001-04:00

Please feel like this again soon. Xo, your mama

Beautiful happy girl

2009-10-05T11:27:00.001-04:00

She had a bit of a rough weekend with high temps and coughs, but is beating it awesomely. Lots of good love and giggles is definitely the best medicine.

A Sunday in Coney Island

2009-09-30T15:45:00.009-04:00

A couple weekends ago Sam and I went out to Coney Island to visit Maire's Aunties, Mikki and Bazi. It was a fun-filled time as always. (We really don't see each other enough, though I think I would feel that way if we were neighbors...) Anyway, here's a little bit of our adventures:

Daddy and Daughter in the jellyfish building at the Coney Island Aquarium.

Here we are watching the jellies. She LURVED it!

And what trip would be complete without a stop at Nathan's? World Famous, you know. Here I am letting her in on the delicious secret that is orangeade.

She doesn't believe me. Truly, it is SO DELICIOUS.

I'm so lucky to have my lovely, awesome, amazing little family.

Thank you, Baz, for these photos. *You* are awesome.

Thinking dreaming Hoping

2009-09-30T14:16:00.001-04:00

I love the story. A small family, not royal, not famous, not rich, expects a child. Under circumstances that aren't ideal. They do their best to prepare; they do their best to be safe. And while they are trying desperately to keep it together, to make a home, a safe respite for their small blessing - something else happens. The news spreads. Kings lift up their scabbards, robes, and scepters and begin traveling to where they believe the baby will be. Small groups of shepherds herd their flocks to be nearer; people gather. All kinds of people from all kinds of places. They gather with hope in their hearts, anticipation in their souls.

They believe that this small babe shall change the world. Make it better. Make it brighter, bring them light.

They don’t know how, or why. Just that this will happen. And they want to play a part. They want to honor this symbol of hope, this symbol of light. This child. They want to kneel before him, before his family, on that dark night. They know not else to do.

But somehow, in the story, that is enough. That they believe in the hope of this child. That the world can be made better, different, more lovely. Peaceful. Hopeful. Beautiful. By this, the smallest of creatures.

(Who among us, even today, wants to believe differently?)

People's hearts were turned that night. And stayed turned for centuries. All because one small child was born. Because people believed that was all it took.

One. Small. Child.

Savior or no, I still believe that's all it takes. The hope that one small, helpless, lone being can change the course of a world gone wrong; can turn hearts and minds to a better place. To making a better place.

Sure, most people celebrate Christmas because their savior was born that night. I celebrate each day because a CHILD was born that night. That thousands were, and are, and will continue to be - that night, this night and all the nights to follow. And with each comes the blessed hope that things will be made right. Better. Peaceful.

Our world can change it's course, and with every night star, every birth, every gathering that hope should be renewed. Should be recognized, acted upon, celebrated.

Because, each of us, in our time, was that child. We were that hope. We are that hope. We perpetuate it.

This world will change. It will become the place those kings and shepherds dreamed of. The one angels from the stars announced and promised. We just need to have that kind of belief, that kind of hope in our hearts.

Every child is such a blessing. Each time I get the email, or phone call letting me know another friend has met their little miracle, my hope is one thousand time renewed. We are making this world a better place.

We are parents.

Feeling Much Better

2009-09-25T12:35:00.002-04:00

She's officially back to her ornery self.

:) I love it.

Fevered baby

2009-09-24T13:00:00.000-04:00

Guilty mama for loving all this cuddle time.

It was a good weekend. Spent with good friends.

2009-09-21T10:58:00.001-04:00

And now, she sleeps. So peaceful, so beautiful. I kept looking at her this weekend and thinking how *fun* she is now. She's onery and joyful and stubborn and kind and I'm so proud of her and the little girl she's growing into being. But this morning, wonderfully, she's my baby again. Curling into my arms and sighing to sleep. "These are the days of miracle and wonder."

We went to the aquariumm today!

2009-09-20T20:49:00.001-04:00

It was especially fun because of Maire's awesome aunties!

First haircut!

2009-09-18T16:48:00.001-04:00

Mommy gave me bangs!

PIGGGG!

2009-09-13T16:35:00.000-04:00

Obnoxious

2009-09-12T19:47:00.001-04:00

She is, unerringly, absolutely ridiculous.

13 months

2009-09-08T06:41:00.005-04:00

Little, crazy girl,

You are officially on your way to toddlerhood, if not already arrived. This was a crazy month for us - full of family and parties and travel (three out of the last five weekends away from home!)... and through it all you laughed and talked and toddled like nobody's business.

You're pretty much running now. And you've craved out a little room of sorts for yourself now, by your crib on the other side of our bed. You like to go there and move stuff from place to place (your daddy calls you The Relocator and it's apt - that and cleaning things seems to be some of your favorite activity). You sit on the floor holding the yoga Pez dispenser and the flashlight, singing to yourself and having a grand time.

That's been the most amazing thing to see this month - you are pretending now. Hugging your Elmos (all three of them - almost always at once), talking to your toys, moving them about in a little play only you really understand. You have all kinds of games you play - sometimes with me - sometimes alone. You are *really* good at making your own fun and that makes me so proud.

You're also learning to carve out your own space. No matter where we are - but especially in this, our too small apartment. This 350 or less square feet of ours definitely lacks in room to roam, but your finding places you can call yours. The other side of the bed, for example - or the little step you made out of Daddy's camping equipment in front of the window. You cleared a little space and now have your very own perch to look out at the garden. You seem endlessly fascinated there. You and I have that very much in common: we both can spend hours watching people go by.

Watching the cat go by, however, is not one of your favorite things. Why must she always be so fast? You chase her back and forth, back and forth ... moving your little fingers trying to call her like Daddy and I do, yelling "CAT!!" It makes me smile. You LOVE her now. You've mastered "gentle pets" though every once in a while the hugs get a bit too strenuous (Schiele doesn't seem to mind).

Our cat's not the only animal you're loving on here in our tiny abode. Daddy got you five fish! You stand trying to touch them through the glass, squealing with delight when they follow your fingers.

You have so much love, Maire. My heart just bursts. You are so kind. Not just to the cat and fish - but to your friends at school, too. You try to comfort them when they cry - giving pats and holding hands... I know this is not something we can really teach you, that it's something deep inside you. An empathy, a kindness. It shines like the sun when you smile.

One of the old men in our neighborhood stopped me the other day. You were playing shy, burying your head in my shoulder. "She's so beautiful," he said. "She's inside beautiful. Thank you for sharing her with us. She's our princess. Our Hell's Kitchen Princess. Our Beauty. It means a lot to all of us that she's here."

And I looked down at you, smiling shyly at him. And over to him, tears welling in his eyes as he thanked me for sharing that smile with our neighborhood and I thought - you are a princess. Not some fairy tale, waiting on a prince girl - but a grace, a loveliness. There's a reason people smile when they see you. A reason our neighborhood crowds around and loves you.

You are joy. You are endless, boundless joy.

You aren't just changing my life, small one. Every day, every single day you are doing good.

And I couldn't be prouder.

On the road again

2009-09-07T10:04:00.000-04:00

Maire's taking first shift.

Honeoye Falls

2009-09-06T18:23:00.000-04:00

Seriously good times

2009-09-06T11:56:00.002-04:00

Right before her first road trip

2009-09-05T12:54:00.000-04:00

She did awesome. We got to Rochester at about midnight and we all slept wonderfully in our king-sized bed. Now its big naps before the weddding!

our little girl

2009-09-03T07:31:00.004-04:00

Looks not so much the baby anymore.... And while part of me will always miss my squirmy worm, every day getting know this precious daring girl is such a gift.

P.S. Thanks Papa and Grandma Bell for the dress AND the beloved baby elmo!

her first big girl nap

2009-08-28T13:53:00.000-04:00

In the crib..... She always laid with me, or slept on our bed before. But today she's in her very own crib! Yay! Baby steps for mama & baby...

peace

2009-08-26T11:03:00.004-04:00

This is my peace. My meditation. My time away from time.

She is my calm.

city girl part duex

2009-08-24T19:38:00.001-04:00

city girl

2009-08-24T08:50:00.001-04:00

It's getting harder and harder to convince her to sit on the trains... So now we're just teaching her to HOLD ON. :)

2009-08-18T12:23:00.010-04:00

This year.

I wonder, shall my years always be measured out from August to August? Shall I now run my life on years from the eighth month on? I shall not be surprised. It seems so much has changed in these last 12 months, it seems almost normal to be in such a permanent state of flux.

This year. It has seemed endless and momentous all at once. It was truly, just yesterday I walked the sidewalks of our neighborhood – anxiously awaiting her arrival. And yet, years ago –lifetimes – I existed without her… without the constant thought of her, the need in my heart for her health and happiness, the empty space in my chest, in my arms, when she is not physically close by.

How did I wander this earth without her? How did I exist? Live? How did I carry that empty space, so ignorant of it; so oblivious to its utter size and weight? Yet now, I struggle at times beneath it. This past week, on an airplane taking me thousands of miles from her I ached like I never have before. Panic sat in my chest, sadness and tears chased every blink.

She is my very joy. How did I go so long without her?

I’m finding balance, though. Finding myself. It’s been a hard road, that. My love for her was at once all consuming. I knew no else. No one else. I gladly gave in to every instinct, every whispered voice in my heart and took care of her. Nurtured her. Loved her.

And it came easy. It came easy to forget myself, to set aside Sam (a shaming and horrible confession there) and become a mother. To stop being a wife and a friend and an artist and a designer and, well, me for a while.

To be for her.

I’m finding my way back now – finding the me I was before, yet now someone different. Finding the wife Sam wants and needs me to be. Finding the friend I know I need and can be. And, finding the artist. The person I want Maire to see when she looks up at me. Looks up to me.

That has been the hardest.

Finding the balance, that path. That way of being.

No one tells you that. Oh, everyone has their warnings – all of which I found to fall flat once I was in the midst of the experience.

First it was the natural childbirth – I couldn’t do it, it would hurt – why would I deny modern medicine?! So and So’s wife’s sister said she was going to do it, but lo! She got the epidural… It seemed everyone who asked what I was planning on doing had some piece of warning or advice. As if I hadn’t thoroughly thought it out. As if I hadn’t done my research. As if it was a rapt decision. But in the end, she and I did it. In the end, it was no where near as bad as people say.

As anyone says, or as tv and movies make it look. It was an unbelievable, undeniable, AMAZING experience – and I hope I’m blessed to be able to do it again. I would in a second. I would have said the same that night as we rested in the bed, eating cheeseburgers and drinking milkshakes.

Again, again, again.

In a heartbeat.

And of course, there’s the breastfeeding. Before I had Maire it was the one thing that scared me. EVERYone had nothing but horror stories. Oh! How it hurt! And it was inconvenient and it was hard and it was a mess and have we mentioned – it hurts? Please, all my friends who have yet to have children know this: it does not hurt if it’s done right. GET HELP. Right away. That baby knows what to do. YOU know what to do. And while it is a bit crazy at first and it can seem overwhelming, it is possible and wonderful and just as amazing as everything else.

I have relished my time with Maire nursing her. I have fed her in museums, on trains, in planes, walking down the street, hiking across a valley, strolling through a stadium… I have not once – not once – been nothing but joyous about it. It has allowed me to give her something no one else in this world can, and when it slows to a stop (as it already has begin to) I know I will find myself more than a little heartbroken.

My experience being a mom, to say the least has come easily and readily and has been the best thing I have ever done in my life. It is the finding my way as a mom in this new world that has been hard. Building a new life, defining myself in this new way. But I have no doubt I will do it.

If anything, this has shown me that when I am open to the possibilities, that when I trust myself and what I know in my heart – only good things can happen.

Becoming a mother has been like coming home. In every way. I have never been more happy, never felt more comfortable. More complete.

I have never done anything like this before.

I have never done anything that has felt so right and so wonderful.

(All pics taken by my friend Aron, who rocks by the way. I can't wait to share them all with you as soon as I have them. And if you need some fam photos taken, he just might be your guy.)

made it to chicago

2009-08-13T18:03:00.001-04:00

Now just counting minutes til I see my loves...

My Arcadia

sweet boy, it's been two months!

One Month

First Week

More Wylie Pictures

Wylie William's Birth Story

To Samaire, on her second birhday

Daredevil Extraordinaire

Family Portrait from Biggie's Wedding in July

dadad's day

To my baby mama

Best. Seats. Ever.

Quick catch up, photo style.

Go Mets!!! Xo, Samaire

She of course slept with both...

Give me a smile to send to daddy!

My sweet pea, finally sleeping.

Sad game, but good times

New season- new hair!

My best friend.

Playing in central park today - amazing!

New Message

New Message

Happy St. Paddy's Day from the Stiers Family!

My girl loves her yogurt!

These two are my whole world...

Maire and her "babies"

New Message

She asked - puppy picture?

My big girl had a big morning

Montana in February: Calving at the ranch

My girl

My angeldarlingdaring girl

ASB!

I love this photo of her

Me & my girls

Winter wonderland out our window

Counting my blessings.

New Message

First day on the ranch... Success!

Maire plays her first game of the ASB World Series 2010

Sleepy girl

New Pics

Maire & I are going red today!

my angel

Joyful

First Real Haircut by Mama

Loving *her* baby

My best days. My best girl!

My Joy

Happpy 2010!

Two nights in a row, Seahorse is perfect slepy company

It was merry. Very merry and bright.

Merriest of christmases!

Aunt Jackie picks out awesome clothes.

Happy Holidays, Everyone!

Eating bfast at Macy's

Cold inside our apt!

Spent too much time on the phone today...

Vieques, PR... something to be thankful for

My beautiful, beautiful girl

No paparazzi! NO PAPPARAZZI!

Driving is AWESOME

Maire wishes the Baltimore

No luck back to NYC

On our way to Maryland!

On our way to Maryland

Waiting to walk Daddy home

She loves him endlessly...

Exploring Central Park with Mandy & Jon!

When did she become such a little girl?!

Four: Fruit, Silk, Flowers

Elmo LoooOOooves you!

wedding

Right before the wedding...

Central Park

Dear Little Darling Daring Girl,

Beautiful happy girl

A Sunday in Coney Island

Thinking dreaming Hoping

Loving her baby